Straight Talk Saturday: The Cost of Being Clear

When You’re Misunderstood for Holding the Line

Last week, I wrote about celebration culture.
How real leadership claps even when the room gets quiet.
How emotionally secure leaders are loud with their praise—especially when it isn’t their win.

This week, I’m taking it one step further.
Because while clapping for someone else is hard for some…
Calling someone higher?
That’s even harder.

It’s one thing to lead with applause.
It’s another to lead with accountability.

And here’s where it gets tricky:
Sometimes, when you speak the truth out loud—even kindly, even clearly—people don’t argue with the message.
They just say:

“It’s not what you said. It’s your tone.”

Translation?
They didn’t like how you said it. Or maybe, they didn’t like that you said it at all.

But what if that tone they bristled at… wasn’t aggression?
What if it was the sound of leadership that had already tried softer 38 times?

We All Saw It—And It Was Everything

Just this week, the world watched something rare and powerful unfold at the Masters.

Shane Lowry was in it. Deep. He was working for the same green jacket as everyone else, and like any elite competitor, he wanted it badly. He even had his own very human moment earlier in the weekend—an emotional outburst that made it clear how much was on the line.

But when Rory McIlroy won?
Shane ran to him. Arms wide, face lit up, no hesitation.
No side-eye. No polite nod.
A hug. A full embrace. Joy for someone else—even while holding disappointment for himself.

That’s what emotional security in leadership looks like.

And here’s the thing:
That was a moment in a competition where only one person could win.

What I’m building?
What you’re building?
Everybody can win here.

This isn’t golf. There’s no jacket shortage.
There’s more than enough success to go around.

So if Shane Lowry can celebrate the man who just beat him for the only title on the line…
What’s stopping us from cheering when someone else hits a milestone we haven’t yet?

If your first reaction to someone else’s win is withdrawal, sarcasm, or silence—
That’s not leadership.
That’s a wound.
And wounds that go unaddressed? They leak.

“I’ve never been happier to watch someone else achieve something that I want so badly myself. Rory deserves every bit of this and I was so happy to be there to watch him make history.”
– Shane Lowry

You Have to Build the Bridge Before You Hold the Line

Here’s what experience (and a wise behavior specialist) taught me:

Accusatory language forces people into a defensive stance.

And once they’re cornered?
You can’t reach them.
You can’t coach them.
You can’t even connect.

If there’s no bridge to retreat, there’s no path to resolution.

That truth shifted my entire approach. Because I’m a discerner. Once I see a thing, I can’t unsee it. And when I know something is true, my natural instinct is to say it plainly.

But real leadership? It doesn’t just say the true thing.
It says the true thing in a way the other person can receive.

That might sound like:
“Can I offer a perspective that might feel tough, but comes from care?”
“Can we process something together that I think could move us forward?”
“I’ve been sitting with something—would you be open to hearing it?”

You don’t have to make it soft.
But you do have to make it accessible.

It’s Not Meanness. It’s Maturity.

The truth is, people often come back later.
Weeks. Months. Sometimes years.
They circle back and say:

“You were right.”

But they don’t always say it out loud.
They don’t always say it publicly.
They just shift. Quietly. And if you’re paying attention, you see the fruit.

So no, I’m not mean.
I’m just no longer whispering truths that were ignored when I said them gently.

I’m not here to perform.
I’m here to lead.
And sometimes? That leadership sounds louder than people are used to.

Not because I want to be right.
But because I want to be effective.
Because I want to help you move.

Straight Talk Truth of the Week

Being clear will cost you.
But staying silent will cost you more.

And when you’re holding the line with love?
Even if they don’t thank you now, you’re still leading with integrity.

Keep leading.
Keep clapping.
Keep building the bridge.

Journal Prompts for Reflection

• Where have I been misunderstood for speaking the truth?
• Do I lead with questions when offering feedback, or do I tend to come in hot?
• How can I build a bridge in future conversations that matter?
• Where have I stayed silent when I should’ve held the line?

Call to Action

If this message resonated, share it with someone who leads from love and doesn’t always get credit for it.
Or tag a fellow leader who claps loud and speaks truth.

We need more of that in the world—and I’m building a culture that leads with both.